That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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