I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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