it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
