I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
im on a boat
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