I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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