Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
