The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Sorry my hands just texted you
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
