Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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