sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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