how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
