If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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