the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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