I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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