It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
try to milk me bitch
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