Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
