can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
