i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
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