bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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