Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
