How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
