If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
