True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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