he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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