So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
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