he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
