sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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