Welp...herpes.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize
