I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
