Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
