I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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