Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
