Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
