see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
