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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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