did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
