I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
