i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
