4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
