Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
and she was petting her beer can
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
