We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
