just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
