i will never coherently bang her
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
