She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
