I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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