New invention idea: vibrating tampons
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
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