I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I still have a little drunk in my system
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
