I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
