You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
