Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
