Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
