Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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