tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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