I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
