24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
