ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
