I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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