when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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